I've always watched you from a distance.

Do you even know who I am?

Am I alive in your eyes?

Your world even?

The pictures you take.

Photographs.

Am I the one in the background on that snow covered day?

Petals of Snow

.

3rd year student in class 6 of Seishun Gakuen.

Quiet. Unknown. Invisible.

I watch you from a distance.

You are always smiling.

I smile when you smile.

But I guess you never notice that.

I am only but a shadow.

The walks at dawn of the mornings, I walk them alone.

The warm colours and the radiance only reminds me of your smile.

The rays of warmth engulf my body.

If only your warmth would do that.

" -san?"

You actually knew that I was alive?

Not just some shadow?

A inexistant part of reality?

You actually knew that I was alive, Fuji Syusuke?

"What are you doing up so early, Fuji-san?"

"I can ask you the same thing."

As the shadows grow side by side on the pavement,

I walk with you in the twilight.

If we could just hold hands...

...and be close forever, I'd cry out of happiness.

I only used to smile because you do.

Now I smile because you know I am alive.

Being close to you.

"Fuji-san, what are we doing here?"

"It's a good time to take some pictures. The setting is just right. It's almost winter."

The leaves of orange tinge.

The crisp smell.

But the best sight of them all, you.

The sound of your camera clicking.

The sound of the wind.

The sound of leaves falling upon the ground.

The wind has cooled down.

I smell the scent of winter.

In this town, it's almost the season...

...when I can snuggle up with you.

"Merry Christmas, Fuji, !"

"Nya~ -chan's so cute!"

"Eiji... You're embarrassing her..."

"Mou... But she's so cute!"

 

I used to smile because you knew I was alive.

Now I smile because I am no longer alone.

Being close to you.

The feeling of belonging.

The feeling of having friends.

The feeling of not being lonely anymore.

I sit alone.

In the quiet night.

The white frost that falls upon the window.

Petals of snow.

" -san, may I sit there?"

"Be my guest, Fuji-san."

You pointed to the empty seat beside me.

You sat by me.

"You look cold."

I looked upon your face.

For your smiling face.

But that face wasn't there.

I felt your lips upon mine.

I felt your warmth around me.

I felt your affection.

This year, with the first petals of snow,

the two of us nestle together.

Just taking in these moments...

...makes me overflow with joy.

Two months.

It has been two months.

Have we've gone closer or was it just a dream?

A fragment of my imagination?

The feeling of your touch.

I still feel it.

Even after these two months.

"KYAA! Fuji-san accepted my gift!"

"He'll be mine."

"As if. He's definately falling for me."

I sit in the corner.

The silky ribbons that flow through my fingers.

The neatly wrapped box of home-made chocolate.

I see those girls.

I see their happy expressions.

I see your smile.

"Fuji-san..."

"Hmm... Yes, ?"

"H-here..."

A gift.

A package to show my affection.

A little glimce of my heart.

There I stood.

In your arms.

Your warmth, I feel again.

Your lips, I taste again.

This can't be a dream, right?

"Fuji-san?"

"Call me 'Syusuke', ."

I don't fawn over you out of weakness.

Rather, I just love you that much.

That's how I feel from the bottom of my heart.

I look at her face.

The face that shows age and time.

Mother.

You stand there beside me.

Why?

I am at fault.

I am to blame.

I am useless.

“ …”

There we stand.

In the white hallway.

The sound of silence.

“If only I didn’t go out.”

“It’s not your fault.”

I held back tears.

Not wanting them to spill.

Not wanting them to be shown.

For mother.

For you.

For me.

You pulled me close.

Held me in embrace.

“It’s not your fault.”

Why?

Why did you lie to me?

Why didn’t you show me your pain?

Why, mother, why?

“It’s not your fault.”

You whispered softly.

“ …”

I felt weak.

I cannot shed tears.

Clutching to the fabric of your coat.

I held tight.

I cannot shed tears.

“Syusuke…”

Hope.

All I can do now is that.

Mother.

You will be fine.

I will be fine.

Hope.

When you're with me,

I feel like I can surpass anything.

I pray that these days...

...will continue forever.

The white sheets.

The now silent machines.

The moment.

The pain.

The suffering.

Under the lifeless tree.

The petals of snow that fall from the sky.

I surround myself with shadows.

Dampened dirt.

Concrete angels.

Not a smile in sight.

Still, not a single tear shed.

‘Mother…’

I open the door and see you there.

No smile on your face.

Not tear from your eyes.

“ …”

“Syusuke.”

Sollum expressions.

Silence in the atmosphere.

You took me into your arms.

Supported me.

Allowed me to flood my emotions out.

‘Thank you.’

The feeling of cool bed-sheets upon my skin.

The coolness in the air.

The features of your angelic face.

I look outside my window.

The gentle wind.

Petals of snow.

The reflection of a smile.

The wind shakes the window...

...and wakes up the night.

No matter how sad you are...

...I will make you smile again.

Five years.

Together.

With the petals of snow that falls each year.

The warm colour of folliage.

The clicks from your camera.

The smile upon your face.

No longer is that true smile upon your face.

No longer can you see the world.

No longer can that shutter be heard coming from your camera.

Your demise: your hobby.

The smile that I long to see.

I shall bring that smile back to you.

So that you can finally see the world again.

Again I sit in one of these rooms.

The machines.

The white hallway outside.

“Miss , we’re ready for you now.”

“Thank you.”

I walk out that door.

Into the white hallway.

I look back at the window.

The colour of white brushes upon the streets.

With petals of snow.

As I lay on that operating table.

I look at you.

I will give you something to look at once again.

So that you can smile once more.

As I held you hand.

As I closed my eyes.

I hope your smile will be seen again.

Even though I won’t see it.

The falling snow petals...

...outside the window...

...have no intentions of ceasing.

They're dying our town white.

I have learned that...

...when you want to act for someone else,

that's true love.

As I sit on that brown wooden bench.

I listen.

The soft clicking of your camera.

Gentle whistling of the wind.

Rustling of the leaves.

That’s all I can do.

Listen.

For I can’t see with my eyes.

I see with my heart.

I hear you crying.

Your smile not there.

I can’t see it.

But I know.

The night.

The quietness.

I walk the halls of this home.

Our home.

I hear crying.

Your cry.

Your pain.

I hear it.

“Syusuke… Are you alright?”

 

“Hmm? Oh, yes…”

I hear you sniffling.

Trying to cover up your emotions.

Masking your sadness.

Why are you crying?

You answered me.

It was because I gave you sight.

I just wanted you see the world.

I just wanted you to smile once more.

I gave you my explaination.

Not wanting your sadness to continue.

You stopped the tears.

Your voice.

The sorrow still lingering.

It’s my time to comfort you for once.

Like you have done for me before.

If I were ever to lose you,

I'd become a start and shine upon you.

Even on the nights when the tears drown your smile,

I'll be right there, by your side.

How long has it been?

Since I first laid my eyes upon you?

It feels as if it were an eternity.

How long has it been?

Since I first knew that you knew I existed?

It feels as if it were an eternity.

How long has it been?

Since I first saw the petals of snow with you?

It feels as if it were an eternity.

I feel your skin upon mine.

I feel your lips upon mine.

I feel your hands upon mine.

Our heart beats.

Our breathing.

Our body.

One.

I feel the soft bed-sheets upon my skin.

I feel coolness in the air.

I wish to see features of your angelic face.

To look outside my window.

To see the gentle wind.

The petals of snow.

The reflection of a smile.

This year, with the first petals of snow,

the two of us nestle together.

Just taking in these moments...

...makes me overflow with joy.

Once more.

We’re in the room.

The machines.

The white hallway outside.

You guided me to a place.

Held my hand.

I felt a cool surface.

You told me it was the window.

Whispering into my ears.

I listened.

Holding back the tears.

Once more.

As I lay on that operating table.

As I held your hands.

As I closed my eyes.

I remember your words.

The words you whispered to me before.

I can finally let the tears flow.

『“ , I’ll let you see what I see once more.” 』

『“Share the sights that I see.” 』

『“The smile.” 』

『“The petals of snow.” 』

『“I’ll let you see them once more.” 』

I don't fawn over you out of weakness.

It's just that I long...

...to be with you, like this, for all time.

These words comes from the heart.

The white snow petals...

...that fall and pile up in this town...

...softly paint memories inside our hearts.

Now, we'll never have to be apart.

Written by Annie

Authors notes:

This was definitely a new and different writing style for me. Consider it experimental.

“ 雪 の華  “ (Yuki no Hana), a song by Mika Nakashima , inspired me to write this and is the song used for this dream novel.

I hope you liked this even though I can’t bring out the real beauty of the song.